Today was an interesting one for me. There have been so many changes and victories that I determined that I would share them publicly. During my convo with myself about the direction I wanted go, I determined to venture into the area of video. Video is an avenue in which I am not very comfortable. Yet, an uncharted sea is just a place for discovery, correct?
What I wasn’t prepared for is what I discovered, about myself.
I took the time to get ready for the camera, no small feat with the limitations of late. Once I sat down, set up the computer, determined I was ready… I balked. Words that flow effortlessly to friends and strangers alike failed to come. Worse than an empty Word document with a blinking cursor, I was staring directly into my own eyes.
Sitting there for almost an hour, I watched this person, attempting to be honest and open about her stand for victory come to grips with the honesty within herself. I fiddled. I thought. Gee whiz… I even began to tear up. How to place over 8 months into a five minute video that doesn’t come across grandiose or self-congratulatory. The difference, this video wasn’t about encouraging others. This was a moment for my story, what has brought me to this place.
Sitting across from that woman, I wished I could help her. I wished I could be the interviewer, who made her confident to tell her story in front of the camera. Instead I simply held her gaze and listened inwardly to the challenges that have made her strong at times and weak at others, but both have made her who she is… Me.
I’m not quite ready to speak to the camera, but today I was ready to share my open, honest truth with myself.