In reality even if you live to be 101 years old you have only seen 36,865 sunrises, so a million is a bit of an exaggeration. But you get my meaning, I have rebooted my life too many times to count.
I can not believe how many times I have had a Day One. A moment in my journey of weight loss, sugar detox, home organization, mental re-centering; essentially a restart in whatever area I have been tallying where I have been falling short. I am sure you know what I mean. That mental exercise of negative self-talk, cajoling and bullying yourself to be better today, or ok tomorrow… “Definitely tomorrow,” mentally said with a sinking feeling.
Today my mindset is a bit different. I have been thinking and planning for this day for months.
For years now I have been in a constant battle for quality of life, fighting an aggressive chronic disease that has attempted to define who I am on the outside and how I feel on the inside. In the past two years I have battled back from being unable to work, perform personal functions, drive and even dress myself. A huge testament to a faithful God!
Since then, I have learned to live without the outward appearance of my private war of chronic pain. In my estimation my battle is minor compared to others. Yet when others have peeked behind my veil they assure me my warrior status is honestly achieved and my badges of victory a testimony to God granting me some serious strength.
So enough about “my stuff” and back to Day One.
Today is Day One of delving into the deepness of God’s love for me.
Day One where I take the time to ask my Father God, my loving Friend (John 15:15) daily about His love and approval of me. To teach me the worthiness and qualifying acceptance He has for me. To reveal just how deep His obsession for my good is played out every day all around me.
This is the truth of my Day One. The backbone for my focus.
At the same time, with His approving love and powerful strength to overcome, I also reach out for a plan for my overall wellness. A Lifetime (but not at goal weight) WWer, I am ready within His protective covering to take on one of the biggest attacks of this chronic illness. The 40 pounds that emotional trauma, low-dose chemo/steroidal treatment, chronic pain and inability to actively move helped me make a constant part of my life. I am toping 205 lbs right now. I would rather tell you that at the time of diagnosis I was two lbs from goal and just completed a 10K, but when that was two years ago you can no longer continue identifying with the past victories to be balm for the current battle. It can be a promise though, that my God who brought me through back then is the same God who will deliver me now.
I have a promise in the scripture for healing; spirit, soul and body. (Isaiah 53:5) So I am going after the whole thing, not just the body. I want to be so close with God, as my “Pleased with Me” Father and Friend that I can face the next weapon against this diagnosis with peace and not forboding; good nutrition and lifestyle changes.
Come along for the journey. It might be a bit ugly at times. Bear in mind, I am changing almost 50 years of negative self-talk and viewing my outward body as a clear indicator of whether I am doing well or failing. But I will do it at the feet of Jesus and with some humor and honest revelation.
Hope it helps you in your journey too. At the beginning and end of the day one truth remains, we are dearly loved and highly valued by our Mighty God.
Love,
Jen
